ILM's 2005 collaborative mix project hoonja-doonja!

March 15, 2005

Tone Loc, "Funky Cold Medina"

Between his run as a Crip and his appearances as an actor in roughly a dozen straight-to-video children's flicks, Tone Loc enjoyed a brief moment as America's favorite gravelly-voiced nymphomaniac novelty rapper. His album Loc-ed After Dark actually topped the pop charts, thanks mostly to the strength of "Wild Thing" and this track, which plays like an episode of "Taxicab Confessions" set to a late-'80s Dust Brothers beat.

The basic theme of this song is that Tone needs the sex and if it takes a roofies-like substance to get it, well, that's the price he has to pay. There's a reason why this remains a frat party anthem.

What's puzzling is that the first thing he does when he gets the Funky Cold Medina (or Love Potion No. 9 or whatever) is give it to his dog. Not being able to pick up a partner at a club is one thing, but you'd think you wouldn't need drugs to convince your own housepets to give it up. Besides, wouldn't peanut butter be cheaper? Poor Alex from Stroh's.

Then there's the incident where he "accidentally" gives a little Funky Cold Medina to a transvestite named Sheena. Loc's definitely got some secrets.

He doesn't decide using the Medina's a bad idea until it makes a straight woman want to marry him. Wasn't there a chaperone on the Love Connection dates, anyway? Was the chaperone cool with Tone Loc drugging his date?

So, according to Tone Loc, drugging your dates is cool, so long as they don't start nagging you about relationships. Or have secret penises. Also, defiling beer spokesdogs is A-OK. Cheers, Tone!

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